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What makes relationships last?

June 3, 2010 2 comments

So you’ve met someone wonderful and start looking forward to what your future life may be like with them.  The question is how do we make sure we turn that image into reality rather than a remnant of our past optimism?

When asked what makes a successful relationship, many of us think we know the recipe or atleast what the ingredients are.  We state universal terms such as love, trust, common interests as what takes us beyond attraction into fulfilling relationships.  Yet, for many of us knowing this and having the experience of being in previous relationships does not necessarily correlate into making us happy in a partnership.  Whilst attraction is relatively quick and in some cases instantaneous, relationships take longer to develop, build and maintain.

The ONS indicates that 20% of men and women divorcing in 2008 had previous marriage(s) that had ended in divorce.  But it’s not just those that have been previously married and in relationships that are having difficulty in building a successful partnership.  Indeed, 69% of divorces in 2008 were to couples where the marriage was the first for both parties.  The common most reason given for divorce was behaviour.

The results from CityDaters poll, indicate some of the following factors being important for developing a strong and lasting relationship.

Love

This needs to be based on something more superficial than attraction otherwise it will last as long as the bank balance, looks or perhaps until the children leave the house.  Love is the most potent of ingredients that keeps together and wants us to be together and is absolutely crucial for any lasting relationship.  However, love needs to be combined with other factors to make a relationship last.  Imagine love as the air for humans, it keeps us going but without food and water it will be wasted.

Freedom of interests

Whilst having common interests is certainly positive, those that have other interests independent from their partners generally find they have more fulfilling relationships.  This ensures that you are not crowding each other and by investing some of your time in these interests or hobbies, it allows you to appreciate your commonalities and retains the element of spontaneity as you are less likely to become predictable.  Boredom in a relationship is a dangerous thing and by having these outside interests it acts as an escape not from your partner necessarily but from routine and ensures you bring a new freshness even to your shared common interests.

Romance

This is need not manifest itself everyday, as that would perhaps be counter-productive.  Romance should be something that is always live and never dormant, it should make your other half know that you appreciate them, care for them and that they are important to you.  This shouldn’t just be in the form of a card that you would give someone at Christmas but be a gesture that is personal, heartfelt and of significance.  It should be a break from routine, have an element of spontaniety.  Ensure you keep a regular balance of romance in your relationship.

Passion

Yes, sex in a relationship is important but this is not about sex.  Passion is what makes sex different.  There should be a longing in the couple for each other. It is passion that makes each touch, each kiss, each blink of the eye mean a lot more than that which meets the eye. You see those aging couples walking hand in hand, it is the passion that keeps them there. The passion to stay together despite the odds, that is what makes a good relationship.

Friendship

Friendship is that ingredient which adds the magic to the relationship.  If two people can be lovers and friends at the same time, they have a complete relationship.  Friendship allows the couple to laugh together at their randomness, yell at each other for the mistakes and cry with each other for the losses.  How complete do you feel in company of a friend?  This is how it should be in your relationship, an effortless ease and comfort that you feel when you are together that makes an occasion more memorable.

Empathy

You need to have a basic know how about the other person.  How they think, how they react and how they behave.  It is this empathy that makes a couple manage living with each other for a longer time.  It is this empathy that helps a couple do those small small things that make the other person happy.  A good relationship is made by two people who understand each other and accept each other with the flaws.

While the exact mixture will differ from relationship to relationship and person to person, using these elements you are bound to be close to creating the recipe that works for you.

http://www.citydaters.co.uk

CityDaters puts you in touch with people you want to know.  Why not try us for free and see if there is someone from our 7 million active single user base that tickles your fancy.

How do you know when someone is attracted to you?

May 18, 2010 1 comment

Understanding whether someone is into you, is something that many of us have difficulty with. Even when it is blatantly obvious to the world, some of us still seem oblivious to it. Just like reading maps, some people have a better sense of direction than others and are able pick up on the cues. Knowing the signs of physical attraction, means that you forgo the awkwardness when dating and more importantly getting the one you want rather than leaving embarrassed.

While we may be aware when we are flirting, it can sometimes, especially for men, be difficult to ascertain whether the other person is just being nice or is reciprocating our feelings. Seldom, do we or those that we are interested in forgo the dating rituals and make our intentions known from the offset.

So, why do so many of us get it so wrong, and how can we learn to read the signs of attraction?

Eye contact
If you don’t look at someone when you are introduced, it looks as if you are shy, aloof, or have something to hide. But if you stare, that seems threatening and hostile. Most encounters are a mixture of looking at the person and then looking away.

‘If someone likes you, you will notice an increase in eye contact,’ says body language expert Judi James.  ‘They will hold your gaze for a second or two longer than usual.   Then they will keep glancing back to check your expression to see how you are reacting to them.’

‘If you want someone to know you like them, don’t be shy – make eye contact,’ advises Judi. If you don’t, they’ll think you are stuck-up or not interested.

Body language
If you think body language is just about your posture then you have probably missed some important signals. It is all about the look on your face, the way you speak, and the signals you send by how you stand and move.

When standing, the usual distance between people is between 45cm and 1.2m. Closer is a signal of interest. But if the person moves away, it may mean they are not as interested in you as you are in them. Another sign that someone likes you is if they face you with an open body.  That is, they don’t have their arms folded and they don’t fiddle with something while they’re talking to you.

Here are some other signs to look out for:

Females:

  • Swing or roll their hips, especially when walking past a man or dancing
  • Play with their hair, toss it over their shoulder
  • Fiddle with a necklace, bracelet or earrings
  • Expose a shoulder by letting a sleeve hang down

Males:

  • Fiddle with a tie, play with buttons, collars or sleeves
  • Smooth their hair
  • Stick their fingers inside a belt
  • Rub or pull on an earlobe

Whether you’re too shy to initiate contact or simply not good at picking up on whether a signal was actually a signal or a random gesture, citydaters.co.uk can put you in contact with people around the world that share similar interests. Why guess, let us make it obvious!

http://www.citydaters.co.uk

CityDaters puts you in touch with people you want to know.  Why not try us for free and see if there is someone from our 7 million active single user base that tickles your fancy.


Where should you look for your future partner?

April 28, 2010 Leave a comment

A behavioural study revealed that more than twice as many couples who got married in 2009 met through online dating sites than at clubs, bars or other social forums combined. One in six marriages are now between people who met through an internet matchmaking service highlighting the reach of online dating, the studies of more than 11,000 people found.

Where did people meet their partner(s)?

  • 1st – Most popular way of meeting a partner was through work and school accounting for 36% of liaisons over the last three years.
  • 2nd – Hooking up through a friend or family member at 26%.
  • 3rd – Getting together through an online dating site is the third most popular meeting way at 17%
  • 4th – Bars/clubs and other social events came in at 11%

Online differences

Dr Jeff Gavin, a psychology lecturer at the University of Bath, has researched the social science behind the sites.  His study centres on computer-mediated communication (CMC).  Essentially, how we talk and relate to people through computers and the internet.

  • We also tend to ask more questions online, and give more intimate answers, than when communicating face-to-face. So we make up for the ‘missing’ information like facial expressions.
  • “It’s natural that people want to paint themselves in the best light, so most tend to describe themselves in a positive way, and upload flattering photos,” Gavin says. “But I think that’s just like making an effort before going to a nightclub. When you’re on the pull – be it online or in a club, most people try to look their best. It may not be the way you look first thing in the morning, but it’s not dishonest.”

http://www.citydaters.co.uk

CityDaters puts you in touch with people you want to know.  Why not try us for free and see if there is someone from our 7 million active single user base that tickles your fancy.


On average we spends £800 a year on dates

April 27, 2010 Leave a comment

According to 2009 surveys by YouGov and Maestro, there are 8.6 million UK adults actively dating, roughly half the total number of singletons.  What happens to the other half of singletons that aren’t looking?  Perhaps, they are put off by the costs involved in taking someone out on a date.

The Costs

The cost of the average date is £206.87, the financial brunt of which is mostly borne by men, although women spend almost as much (£191.38) on clothes, hair and beauty products in preparation. At the national average of four dates each per year, this equates to a total dating market value of more than £8 billion.  Is it really worth spending £800 a year to meet someone  or is that money better spent having fun with the hope that you might meet someone with similar tastes at such venues or on such holidays?

Geographic Differences

  • The highest spenders on average are the Welsh
  • The highest ratio of single women to men is found in Glasgow
  • The lowest ratio of single women to men is in Reading

Why use online dating?

  • 4.7 million people claim to have used a dating website in the past year
  • 1 in 5 marriages of 19-25 year olds started online
  • Some 43% of people use Google to check out a first date

Perhaps, it is time to forget the stigma and give online dating a chance.

http://www.citydaters.co.uk

CityDaters puts you in touch with people you want to know.  Why not try us for free and see if there is someone from our 7 million active single user base that tickles your fancy.


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